Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
