FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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