Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
