I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
