Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
