smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
