Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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