The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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