My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
