Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
