I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
