What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
