Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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