if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
