I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
