Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
