I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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