Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
