I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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