My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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