what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
