He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
