i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
