Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
