these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
third nipple confirmed
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
MIDGETS
????
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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