dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
