do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
