What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
