just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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