I am puke
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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