Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
