PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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