my phone needs a breathalizer
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
