I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
