someone owes me an orgasm
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
