I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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