So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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