Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
