My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
