here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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