Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
