Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
not ubering you a puppy
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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