I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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