your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
