I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
