I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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