I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
