haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
