Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
