We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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