there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
